Ze Germans
After our latest hotel arrival yet, we began the day with our earliest hotel departure yet. To put it into perspective, just know that the first thing Matt did when he got to the room was take a shower, and his hair was still damp when we left. But that’s okay because we left the hotel knowing that we were on our most important mission yet.

We pulled up in front of Porsche North America’s headquarters and parked the PanAmerica right in front of the door, ready for our greatest battle. We donned our PanAmerica shirts and armed ourselves with business card and wristbands. The Porsche folks were clearly intimidated by us, cowering in their offices and pretending to not even know we were there. We were forced to send in our negotiation crew, which was made up of storyteller Trent and legal team/wild card Rob. Without fear they marched right up to the security desk and demanded to speak to the president. The security guard was not sure what the president of Church’s Chicken had to do with any of this as it turns out that both companies share a building. Delayed but not defeated, they spoke to someone else and captured the entire interaction on a spy cam disguised as a pen. This person asked “What’s with the spy pen?” and then gave them a phone number to call . . . a message was left.

Back in front of the building we waited until a Porsche employee finally came out to see what we were doing. Well, he actually came out because it was his lunch break, but after hearing our story he introduced us to someone else. This second person was even more interested. He was a summer intern. We gave him a wristband.

California Pizza Quickie
Back on the road and heading North once again, we mapped out our route and realized that for the first time on our journey we were going to be able to make it to a California Pizza Kitchen at an hour that restaurants are actually open. CPK sponsored our trip and gave us a significant amount of “Pizza Dough” which can be spent like cash at the restaurants. Our route to NY was taking us through Charlotte so Gary jumped online and found the location closest to the highway. As we got close, we began to notice a lot of signs for the airport, so Gary jumped back online to confirm that yes, he had routed us to a CPK that is in an airport terminal – past security.

We eventually arrived at the CPK in the South Park Mall where we enjoyed ordering a lot of things. However, as soon as they were delivered to our table we asked for to go boxes, and for once, it wasn’t just because Gary was in a rush. The reason we had to run was because just moments before, we got a phone call from Kirk “Chiseled-Jaw” Hawkins the finest reporter that WCCB Charlotte has ever seen.

15 Minutes of Fame, Followed by 5 Hours of Soggy
As it turns out, the South Park Mall was not as big of fans of Charlotte’s news stations as we were. After a quick rendezvous in the parking garage, we hightailed it to a Walgreen’s parking lot across the street because as the cameraman informed us: “Rain is a coming.”

No sooner did we arrive in the parking lot, then it began to sprinkle. The PanAmerica crew sported shorts and t-shirts and thought Kirk looked ridiculous in his full rain slicker gear… until the real rain came. He casually flipped his hood up and continued the conversation as we stood there and got wetter than a June bug in July . . . which we assume is very wet. We finished up our interview which was on air at 10pm and will eventually be online as well. The article can be seen here. (www.wccbcharlotte.com/news/top-stories/218123911.html)

As we kept driving, that’s right, we kept driving in the rain . . . wait, now I’m pissed. I know many of you will be reading this from your homes in the Los Angeles area, so let me further explain. When there’s a little drizzle on the 405, there’s no need for you to rein in the Prius or the SUV and do 40 mph in the fast lane. Seriously, cars do work in the rain, and even though you’re also a terrible driver in the dry, if the little old ladies who live in North Carolina can do 50 while their Cadillacs are practically underwater, you should be able to keep doing the speed limit or at least have the good sense to just stay home. . . and so we kept driving in the epic rainstorm and flipped through the radio stations, every single one of which was playing Michael Buble’s It’s a Beautiful Day. Okay, so it may have been only one station was playing it, because it was the first one we tried and why would we ever change the channel if they’re playing that song?

Sunset
Somewhere in the hills of Virginia, we pulled off the road for sunset. Rob directed us to a really great spot with an awesome view of the valley. As we pulled into this little cul-de-sac, we were greeted by a friendly dog and an overalled man in a pickup truck, who gave us an awkward wave and tried to avoid Rob’s advances which were thinly disguised as questions about his dog. After sizing us up, and perhaps seeing the future, he put his dog in the back of his truck and left.

We poured our wine and took in the sunset. As we walked out into the tall grass it became a somewhat somber and emotional few moments. Gary sat by himself as the rest of us began to put things back in the car and Eagle Scout Rob reminded us that we should probably check to make sure we didn’t pick up any ticks while we were out in the field. When Gary came back to join the group, Trent comforted him briefly and then broke the tension by letting him know it was time to check him for ticks. And if that wasn’t enough to pull Gary completely out of his sad place, turning around to find a completely nude Matt yelling “tick check” hopefully did.

The Polar Bear Parade
Another late night drive found Story Teller Trent pulling double duty. Perhaps he was inspired by Adderob’s performance a few nights ago, perhaps his eyes were stuck open from the 72 hours of continuously staring at computers and phones, but when everyone else was too tired to drive, Trent stepped up to the plate. When the rest of us awoke at a gas stop about an hour from Manhattan, Trent recounted what we slept through in the last 100 miles. Now remember that we call him The Story Teller for a reason, we also call him the Minister of Trentmagination. He’s truly a modern day Bard (even down to his boots) whose talking never stops unless he’s freestyle rapping, and his fiction is so great that his first name isn’t even Trent. We were aware that he had driven through fog that was thick enough to be flavored, but what we didn’t know was that within that fog were polar bears, time warps, smoke monsters and a fat guy named Harley. We listened to his story and became concerned with his immense lack of sleep. Gary took over driving from there.

Driving through the empty (by NY standards) Time’s Square was quite an experience which Gary took full advantage of by turning the army of trash trucks heading into the city at 5 am into a slalom course. We checked into the awesome room that Gary’s mom booked for us and fell asleep within seconds

Sorry for the slow flow of news. This stuff took a back seat to real life for a little while. Don’t worry, we know what’s really important.

A Little Detour
The original itinerary called for us to wake up in Key West and drive 24 straight hours to New York City. After our long drive the night before, we were looking forward to it about as much as we were looking forward Trent sharing another one of his “favorite” songs. It was nice to sleep in a little bit, but with the long haul looming, we woke up and started preparing to head out. Matt and Trent took bags out and began loading up the car, expecting Gary and Rob to join shortly. But they never came. No, they were sitting on the balcony, drinking strawberry beer and enjoying the lovely ocean view. This was after Trent found them sitting on the other balcony which overlooked a pretty decent garden, and let them know they were dumb because they were using the 2nd best balcony instead of the 1st. Right after Matt realized what they were doing, but just before he went into rant number 28 (It’s Too Early for Drinking/The Real Housewives are What’s Wrong with America) he realized he was standing on their hotel room’s ocean view balcony, which he was previously unaware existed.

As we sat outside, Gary proposed a little change of plans. We were a day ahead of schedule at this point, thanks to skipping the Four Corners, and the Porsche Headquarters in Atlanta would sort of split our drive to New York into two more reasonable chunks. The decision was quick and unanimous; we would drink another strawberry beer before deciding whether to go to Atlanta or New York. We did that, then we agreed to go to Atlanta.

The Southernmost Point X3
On the way out of town (but in the complete opposite direction) we made our way to the end of Key West. Matt found the southernmost point on the GPS and directed us to a beautiful beach. We took a few pictures of the car, met some new friends, stood in the water, looked at girls in bikinis, and quickly realized that we were, in fact, not at the southernmost point. We climbed back in the car and went on the hunt once again.

After getting directions from what may have been some kind of Park Ranger we made our way through the narrow streets until we saw the big mostly red marker and the long line to take a picture with it. Well, three of us saw the marker and the line. Gary had taken a phone call, and when he hung up he was quite confused as to why we were already on our way back north. After a bit of arguing, we turned around and did another drive by, but this time Gary jumped out of the car and snapped a quick picture.

The Greatest Sandwich in the World
After spending five days with Rob, Matt was beginning to have sympathy diabetes and his low blood sugar had him wearing his exceptionally cranky pants. As he complained from the back seat, Rob and Gary discussed a sign they had seen on the road the night before. The sign said simply, “Lobster Reuben.” Everyone was excited by this idea, and even the angry guy in the back was willing to wait the hour it would take to get there.

We eventually pulled off the highway and into the sand and gravel parking lot of our dreams. A toasted roll, thousand island dressing, a little sauerkraut, a little cheese and a pile of lobster, that’s the Keys Fishery Lobster Rueben. As if that wasn’t great enough, the dining area is a dock and the drinks are served by Rob’s new BF, Eric, the single friendliest man behind a bar.

Florida’s Newest Fugitive
After lunch, we continued up the highway with Trent behind the wheel. The idea of toll roads is something new to those of us that drive exclusively in Southern California, so we were about 10 feet from the toll booth when the first person realized that were in the Sun Pass only lane. After a little panic and a short discussion about what to do next, we decided we would just drive and ask about it at the next booth (which meant we would need to remember to be in the correct lane). The person we spoke to was of little help, and the phone number he gave us was equally useful. We’re not 100% sure, but we think we have 10 days to pay somewhere between $4 and $41. Hopefully we’ll figure it out soon.

Just in case Florida’s finest were on the lookout for us, The Wild Card provided fake mustaches that we quickly donned before pulling into a service center that happened to contain a Highway Patrol Office in addition to the gas station we were aiming for.

Sunset
It has been quite amazing how we’ve managed to find such beautiful and peaceful places to stop each day for our sunset toast, but of course you can’t win them all. Next to the highway and under a power line isn’t exactly what we were hoping for, but that’s where we ended up. We were thinking Gary seemed more upset by this than the rest of us because he was standing by himself off in a corner. It turned out that he was drinking the last strawberry beer and was hiding it because he didn’t want to share. . .and because he’s a jerk.

We all agreed to try harder tomorrow.

The Cat Nap Motel
As we made our way into the late, late night we realized how unnecessarily large and useless most of Florida is. The one other bright spot was our stop in Orlando for some authentic Mexican food, which we all know is really hard to come by where most of us live. We did make quite a few friends while we ate outside, thanks to the wrap on the car. Our server was especially friendly and as soon as we finished explaining our trip and letting her know that we still had about seven more hours to drive tonight, she immediately insisted that we come back to eat dinner there again tomorrow.

God only knows what the folks at the front desk must have thought Gary was up to when he checked in to the hotel just before 6 am, and then checked out three hours later. Which, by the way, was because we forgot to set an alarm and accidentally slept an hour longer than we had hoped to.

Day 4 consisted mostly of driving, however the time we were out of the car was well spent, if you ask us.

No White Flags!

We woke up in New Orleans and were quickly off to every diabetic’s worst nightmare, the World Famous Café Du Monde.  Unfortunately our diabetic left his insulin at the hotel, so he was forced to just sit and watch the rest of us enjoy our piles of powdered sugar, which we did.

By far, the highlight of our day was a girl. Now you might imagine that four guys stuck together in a car for four days would be thrilled to hang out with any girl, but our new friend Lauren Bowman is truly special. We love her and it has nothing to do with her looks. Well, I mean, she is really pretty, but we quickly realized that her heart is twice the size of all of ours combined.

Anyways, Lauren is part of Team Gleason and she brought us some Team Gleason shirts, took us to the Steve Gleason Rebirth Statue at the Superdome, and took pictures of The PanAmerica to share with Steve.  If you’re not familiar with him already, Steve Gleason played safety for the Saints and was diagnosed with ALS a few years ago. His charity, Team Gleason is doing amazing things and thanks to Steve’s celebrity status, they are bringing a bakery full of awareness to this disease. Lauren also has a business called Lolly Cake and Cookie Company, by the way.

She left us with a story and a hug. The story was about Steve’s wife Michel and how, in front of some very important people, she added a little flourish to one of Steve’s sayings, “Awesome Ain’t Easy.” We quickly adopted it as our own, and repeated it many times throughout the next portion of our journey.

Sunset

Rob is the man in charge of finding the perfect spot for our sunset stops. And in Florida, he did not let us down. He may have lead us down a long road, into a neighborhood, then out of that same neighborhood looking for a secluded place with a view, and it may have tacked quite a bit of time onto our eventual Key West arrival, but it sure was good. We parked the car under a huge tree covered in Spanish moss and looked out over a small lake. Matt opened the bottle, Gary poured, and Rob passed our plastic cups around.  And Trent, Trent was on high alert and did a fine job of keeping the crew safe from unseen alligators.

Adderob

We continued south with wine inflated spirits which brought on an inspired bit of in-car karaoke. But as the hours ticked by, our late (but worthwhile) exit from NOLA made for a very, very long run down to Key West.  We all took turns driving, but the sheer number of miles began to get the best of us. A quick moral boost came when we received a Facebook message from someone who looked us up after we passed her on the highway a few hours back. We did the math and determined that Gary was driving at the time.  Then we reread the message and realized it was actually complimentary and didn’t mention the fact that we blew by at break neck speeds, flashing high beams and/or inappropriate hand gestures. Now we’re not really sure who was behind the wheel.

Earlier in the day, we discussed the driving rotation and how, when we got down to the wee hours, we would shorten up the shifts and stop more often.  That’s exactly what we did. . . until Rob took over. Fueled by Sugar Free Red Bull and Adderol (yes, he has a prescription) he became a driving machine. Rob is constantly jovial, Adderob is on a mission. Adderob is the asphalt assassin. Without joking, without singing, without blinking, he defeats mile after mile. Six hours of perfectly restrained fury brought us into the awesome hotel procured for us by Las Vegas Suites somewhere around 6 am.